summer has come at last, 30 degrees and above... i usually can't stand heat, but since spending last summer in antalya, i have become family with it, missing it and loving it.
and reggae music... with an ocean view from my window.
i miss you lisa, miss your words, miss your presence...
i'm very lonely right now, not a soul whom i can confide to, lean on to...
no one i can hug and not let go...
but it's not a depressing, unsettling loneliness...
it's more balanced and quiet...
not dark and crazy...
cannot wait for the exams to be over...
i'm planning to read this summer, read as much as i can...
i miss literature, it's curtained wholesomeness...
i have been popping pills of cinema, my symptoms relieved periodically...
but of course i cannot deny its power to change from the roots...
oh, have i changed?
only you can answer that, i'm much too subjective to make any conclusions on myself...
I fall in and out of dreams, I start crying with my face bunched up and contorted, thinking that I'll never survive the night...the next morning I'm the same calmish person as before, as if the pain never happened. But that's just my private self...we all have this version of us that's one string from falling apart, one vibration away, even the strongest of us. I really do believe that.
YanıtlaSilI don't know what's changed about you, Dulam. I think I'd have to see you to really know ;). I remember when I saw pictures of you again so long ago, and I suddenly remembered the exact way you moved and talked, special Dulam-isms almost intrinsic in the way I think of you.
I'll write later...I will read the New Yorker article. I thought that the recent one about self-control was amaaazing. Zing!