insomnia without insomnia

Insomnia Splatter by J.C. Hallman If everything behaves as if a sign had meaning, then it does have meaning. --Wittgenstein What for but now send which then Not nor his cut when tend her mend Bend bitch up to whine a mutt Of off hot now send itch, cool witch Lend on him notch an end in fry Warm try how so at less than I and Where over, will lullaby is; Low are the was am my no more Were she at in would wend we soar Do there could he no wonder it, or why.

to lisa

hey lisa

where are you

what happened

there could be several reasons why you've neglected all forms of writing:

1) you've found someone else to write to (possibly a boy, whose letter you wait with 4 eyes (it's a turkish expression))
2) you've someone in your life other than mr. ravi (judging from the last letter you've written)
3) you're waiting for a letter from me
4) you're just sick of the internet and all forms of technology, you don't wanna go near the blare of the computer
5) you're working so much and so hard, that you feel exhausted and/or worn out, and have just enough energy to get on with your daily life and the occasional outing with ravi and friends... and just don't have the time or the energy to get on the internet and write a meaning and long letter to me.
6) you're just sick of writing about yourself, just worn out by the self-centeredness of everything...
7) you've decided to go back to school and you've been busy with that for a whole month and now you just don't have time because of the college parties.

whichever it is, i hope you're well and healthy, and that you're taking care of yourself...

good luck on everything, darling

back to the mediterranean

hello hello

i know

i disappeared

i was in mongolia... not only that, in the countryside, way into the heart of mongolia, to the land where my grandmother was born

it was amazing, didn't wanna come back, didn't wanna leave that beautiful place... it was just bliss, heaven...

and now i'm back... feeling a little disoriented

but all is well, it seems that i was energized and recharged in mongolia... it happens every year i go back... and the funny thing is, the charge runs out around new years... and the 2nd semester of my life, actually my school life which is my life, kinda tumbles on forward, like a child learning to walk and by the time summer has come, i'm a complete mess...

what is up lisa darling? working, i suppose, with all those hormones hehehe, i would think the battle with your hormones would have finished by now, who won i wonder... summer is nasty...

but mine passed on so peacefully and beautifully... and i look forward to autumn and the whole year ahead of me... and to you of course...

love you much much

d.

for the love of icarus!

please please please do!!

come come come!

really! my exams finish around june 17th or something... come any time after june 20th... and try to come for as long as you possibly can...

and definitely talk to your turkish teacher about getting transferred for a year... to learn turkish... i'm sure he can help you out in some way... so that you can stay here for a whole year or something...

an/or come and start at my school... i am so deadly serious you'll do wonderful... go into the fashion and textiles... i swear you will do better than anyone here, there really isn't much of an art circle here, anything you do is going to be top-notch... you can study painting! i swear the tuition is a couple of hundred dollars (i'm serious)... and there is none of the crazy, soul-killing race for perfection and/or race to get above someoene... you wouldn't be coming for the education anyhow, you'll be here for self-discovery, for the mediterannean sea, for the turkish breakfast!!

but of course, all of this is very serious and you have to think about it a lot... i can assure you you will have all my support if you do decide to come here (i'm in izmir, by the way) and...

one thing i can promise: solitude and quietness... hehehe, i don't now... sometimes, silence can be louder than hell but...

and really, living in a foreign country is hard... it is lonely and alienating experience...

but all for the best, i've never regretted...

and...

i gotta say this... maybe i'm doing this for myself... because having you here would be wonderful for me... but i have to think about you too hehehe, just give it a serious thought... talk to ur turkish teacher...

and get back to me on this...

summer at last

summer has come at last, 30 degrees and above... i usually can't stand heat, but since spending last summer in antalya, i have become family with it, missing it and loving it.

and reggae music... with an ocean view from my window.

i miss you lisa, miss your words, miss your presence...

i'm very lonely right now, not a soul whom i can confide to, lean on to...

no one i can hug and not let go...

but it's not a depressing, unsettling loneliness...

it's more balanced and quiet...

not dark and crazy...

cannot wait for the exams to be over...

i'm planning to read this summer, read as much as i can...

i miss literature, it's curtained wholesomeness...

i have been popping pills of cinema, my symptoms relieved periodically...

but of course i cannot deny its power to change from the roots...

oh, have i changed?

only you can answer that, i'm much too subjective to make any conclusions on myself...

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/05/05/080505fa_fact_sedaris

a wonderful article on starting and quitting smoking... kkk... it's a very accurate account of how someone who hates smoking starts smoking.

complications

my little sister

she's going through a hard time, let's just say... and she really needs me this summer. i really wanna be there for her. i either have to go to mongolia or i have to bring her here. but my parents won't give permission coz she's too little and they have it in their heads that i am a physical and emotional mess who needs to be rehabilitated and fixed up every summer. so they want me to come.

yet this year i really really hope that i can make use of a whole summer. i don't want it to go to waste, time is everything, really.

and yet there is a part of me that wants, needs to go back because i may be a physical and emotional mess, or i am from time to time and going back to mongolia helps me out a lot in a way. and on top of that there are my dear grandmothers who long to see me; and i have this fear that i won't be able to see them before they die... which is a terrible thought i know.

and of course there are the money troubles.

if you come when exactly will you come and how long...

there so many factors that we have to take into consideration if we're gonna make it happen. tell me what you want, what you plan to do and your expectations, everything...

i'd love you to come, it would be amazing. it would be out of this world...!